Haunting

Image credits to kafik on deviantART

There’s a forest nearby my village. It’s cursed they say. Villagers don’t talk about it, parents don’t let their children a mile near that place, and hunters don’t hunt there. There is a rumor that people who go in, never returns, they don’t come out, the stay stuck there forever. Wives have lost husbands, children lost parents, parents lose their children. It’s not a good place, it’s a place where the evil lurks. Or that’s what they say. But me being me, wouldn’t take anyone’s word for it. I’m an adventurer, Skip’s the name and discovery’s my game.

Today, I’ve decided that when my 18th birthday arrives, I’ll set off to the forrest by the village. That’s 14 days from now. Got to make a list, write down the things I want to get, take the things I want to use. Got a big bag, stuffed it up with all the necessities, a compass, water, food, rope, torch light- anything that is deemed worthy I take along. Time passed quickly- but not fast enough in my opinion. I spend the rest of my time with the family, my mother who has brought me up- I couldn’t let her know what I was going to do, it’ll break her frail little heart. I’ll be back I promise. That’s what I’ll do.

Soon, it was my 18th- my village threw a party for me- partly because I’m now a man. But I don’t feel very manly than I did before. I sat there, drank the finest wine the village leader brought me, laughed with all my friend- Hasheem my close friend sat on my left, and Nadia my childhood friend- pretty as ever sat on my right. It has always been us three- Hasheem was my right man. We’ve gotten into all kinds of mischief before- we’ve stole coconuts, stoned birds, bullied the girls- you name it we’ve done it. We have scars to tell the stories of the situations we’ve been in. Nadia was always one of the boys. She never stayed behind with the other girls, she never screams when spiders crawled up her leg, when we were climbing trees, she would be one step ahead of us, if we were planning to steal coconuts, she’ll come up with a fool-proof plan, she would never cook with the rest of the village girls- but somewhere between 14 and 15, Nadia grew up. She suddenly became a stunner, no doubt about it. Suddenly the boys couldn’t treat her like another boy anymore. I have to admit, I liked Nadia. There was something about Nadia that was different. She was fiery, she was independent, she wasn’t going to settle. There was something about Nadia that stood out. Suddenly, I find myself questioning between choosing to stay here with Nadia, or going into the forest.

As I bid farewell and said my thank you’s to the people who came to celebrate my becoming a man, I felt a sudden sadness. These were the people who saw me grow up. These people were my life. If I went into the forest- there’s a chance I won’t be able to come back here. I push away these feelings- I remind myself that I’ve waited too long to let it go now. True enough, my adventurous nature got the better of me. As I stood there, face to face with my bestfriends- they knew I was going- I didn’t have to tell them. We were too close for secrets. Hasheem took off his bear claw necklace and placed it on my neck, “may it grant you courage, and strength” he said. “See you soon, Skip. Don’t you dare die too early okay!” and we both roared, loud. And laughed. He then left us- Nadia and me.  Under the blue moon, the bluest it’s ever been. As the light grazed Nadia’s pale skin, her eyes shone brightest than it’s ever been. Nadia, oh beautiful Nadia, I saw the amber in her eyes, stunning like always. Those lips. She smiled- the smile that would take my breathe away every single time. “Skip, I know I can’t stop you, but I have to say it. Don’t go.” I looked away but her hand caught my face, and she leaned in. It was sweet. It was bitter. And she turned and walked away.

“Nadia” “Nadia” “NADIAAAA”

I sat up straight. I was in my bed now- my million dollar penthouse. Panting, tears?! Tears. It’s been too long since I had those. The phone beeped, a message. I pressed the button and my secretary’s voice came out “Mr Hareed, you have an appointment at 10 am with the CEO of the Firefly, and lunch with Toy Mania’s MD and later you have the opening ceremony of our new branch at Wellingway- it’s the 18th branch btw.” I washed my face, looked into the mirror. My face now almost unrecognizable. The lines tell that I’m no longer 18. How long has it been since that day. The penthouse I’m in reminds me that it’s been too long- long enough to be able to live here. What happened that day?

As I stepped into the forest, there was excitement. With each step ahead, a reward. And with each reward, you get further away from the village. You realise how sweet honey tasted, you get sucked in, deeper and deeper into the forest. Soon, you’re in too deep that there’s no turning back. I understood why no one returned, it’s because they can’t. It’s not because they don’t want to, it’s because they can’t. It’s like a trap, the more you have the harder it is to let go. Those who tell you that it doesn’t matter, or it’s easy to give up what you have are lying because once you have it, once you’ve tasted the honey- you’re hooked. There’s only one way- and that’s ahead. Because going back, is tougher than it sounds. It’s a blessing as it is a curse.

There are times where I wish I stayed. Who knows how Nadia is right now. Or if she ever got married. Or Hasheem. Is he even alive. All this questions I have no answers for. Suddenly I’m filled with lonliness. They say the forest is haunted, they say it’s not a place for the weak, they say it’s a place where no one ever comes out of. It’s true. Once you enter, you never return. Sometimes, there are things more important than going into the forest.

allyk.

Authors note:

It’s up to you to interpret it yourself

What’s the forest in your life? Are you going to enter in? Is it worth it?

Not dead. But Alive.

It was a normal summer Saturday although a little hotter than usual, but still normal. The neighbourhood’s buzzing with activity, Sandra and Sam, the twins were sitting out in the Garden- the green grass complimenting their alabaster skin. Their mother, Mrs. Winderman keeps watch over them and tending her award winning rose garden. Sally sits on the swings with her boyfriend’s arm wrapped around her waist. He reaches in for a kiss *ew* what’s so good about boyfriends? And sharing spit? What’s so good about that? *yuck* Mummy says I’m too young to witness such things, I wouldn’t want to watch too- it’s disgusting. Mr Marten just came home after a 24-hour shift, being a doctor isn’t easy. His wife greets him with a smile. Before you say anything about my perfect neighbourhood, there are things you should know. 3 houses down, Mrs Carney cries because her husband has been arrested for fraud. Mr Song’s pissed at his wife of 4 years, Sarah because she was cheating on him with his bestfriend. Lenny’s the town menace because he’s been living by himself eversince he was 11. He has parents but they’re always never there. And then there’s me. The outcast.

I don’t have any friends. Not because I hate people, in fact I actually like people- hence the observations. It’s just that, my circumstance makes me an outcast. My mother left my father for another man. I don’t blame her, he was cruel. He still is. My father is emotionless, they were married because my mother and father were arranged to be married. My grandparents are bluebloods. They appear on covers of magazines as often as they see their faces on mirrors. But one day, it all ended. My grandparents are no longer around- they died in a horrible car crash. All four of them. That was the beginning of my family’s downfall. People say we’re cursed. Soon after, my parents had me. Weighing 5 pounds, I was brought into the world. My mother never wanted me- the first thing she said when she saw me was “get her away from me!”. She never looked at me when I was growing up, she never touched me. All she did was provide me with food, clothes and an education. I think it’s because I remind her too much of dad. She hated him and I don’t blame her.

Soon, there would be few men coming into our house every afternoon, they’d spend time in mother’s chambers. Dad didn’t know of course, and I wasn’t going to tell. And one day, mother left and never returned. That’s the story of my life. My father?

As I sat there thinking of my life, I hear the car drive in to the driveway, the jingle jangle of keys make my heart leap. Not the kind of leap an excited daughter is when her father comes home. I’m scared. Truly afraid. I run up the stairs and a booming “STOP” is the first thing I hear. Not a hello, not a how are you darling, but a STOP. I shut my eyes, and I stay still. I hear his briefcase drop, I hear the keys being placed into the holder, and his footsteps. Slow, deliberate. Forceful. One step up, one step closer. My heart’s beating immensly fast- I shut my eyes. His arm grabs hold of my ankles and he pulls me down the stairs. He takes me to the sofa- and like everytime, he’d have a go at me. His breathe, his hands, his voice- everything makes me sick to my stomach. I close my eyes- it’ll be over soon. Soon. It always does. Everyday, it always ends.

I can’t remember when it started- before this, it would be beatings. He would hit my mother till she bleed. He would throw words not even animals deserved. He was degrading, he was insensitive, he was anything but human. When mother left, there was no one else but me left. I was his punching bag. The scars on my back and thighs reminds me of how long this has been going on. I don’t hate my mother for leaving- I’m just angry she didn’t let me free as well. As I lie there, fighting wouldn’t help, he’s too strong. I shut my eyes, I hum that little tune in my head- and wish it all end soon.

Today however is different. He gets off me once he finishes, but instead of throwing a lump sum of cash at me, like he always does, he turns around. Slow, steady- “I’m sorry.” He pulls out a gun, black shiny, I close my eyes, count to ten.

“Honey”

I open my eyes. The sun shines brightly, I look out into the yard. I see my two angels there playing together, I sigh in relieve. Two strong sturdy hands hugs me from behind- I’m no longer afraid of a man’s touch. He’s the reason why, when I met him, I was raw, I was fragile, I was weak- he taught me that love is real. He was patient with me, he gave me hope, he gave me a home- but most of all, he gave me this- a family. Something the man I called dad couldn’t give.

As I looked back on that day, the scar directly above my chest burns numbly. A humble reminder that someone up there thinks I’ve still got something to do here on earth. What happened to that man? Who knows. All I know is that I’m not angry, I’m hurt very badly, to the point where I don’t want to see him any time soon, I don’t want my family to ever know him, but I’ve forgiven him.

Right now, all I want to do is concentrate on the man hugging me and the two angels I see before me. To give them the life I never had.

Dad,

You wanted me dead, but I’m still alive. And I won’t apologize for being alive.

Frankie.

allyk.

Author’s note:

Decided to try something old school. Something I would have written for my SPM

Give me a New Heart

Image credit to Ubilin @ deviantART

Today, I sat in bed thinking to myself, if Solomon got wisdom, David got strength, Esther got beauty and Judah got a legacy, God could give me anything. There was no limits to what was possible. I could get riches, I could get fame, I could get gifts, I could even get help. But I wanted a new heart. Like the tin man who wanted a heart, I wanted to trade mine in for a new one.

It’s not that my current heart wasn’t a good one, it has served me well. It’s just that, this heart I have is worn out, it’s tattered, it’s stained, some of the colour probably has faded away. It’s scarred, it’s torn, it’s a little bit bruised. I sat there thinking, a new heart would be great. No more scars, no more hurt, no more bitterness. A painless life, no more feeling ugly, no more feeling inadequate, no more bitter memories. I continued thinking about what a new heart would bring- new passion perhaps. A new start, a new life, a breath of fresh air.

Then, I hear “stop”. Eerily silent. I almost missed it. “A new heart would be easy- a snap of a finger. But then, if I did give you a new heart, would you be this close to me like you are now? The scars are there to remind you of my work in your life. There’s a reason why the nail prints are still on my hands. If you took away all the scars, all the battle scars you got over the years, would you still be you? I made you. I saw you grow. I brought you up. I taught you to live. I’ve never left your side. These scars, are beautiful. Because they show life, they show maturity, they show wisdom, they show understanding, they show experience. These scars that you deem ugly, to someone else, is a life jacket. I didn’t let you get these scars because I like seeing you hurt, I let you get these scars because you needed to grow. You need to learn. And because sometimes, you need proof that you need me. And also because these scars, you deem ugly, will in turn help save someone else too. “

A new heart would be great. But true enough, a new heart would mean I loose the essence of being me. These scars that I have, remind me of the struggles I’ve faced, remind me of the victories I’ve won, remind me that- even when I’m so not perfect, I’m still gold to someone who is. But most importantly, these scars, remind me that He’s always near, because these scars, are healed up wounds- one medicine cannot cure. It reminds me that even when I make wrong choices to get hurt, He still never left me for someone better- in fact He stayed to heal me up.

It was the start of a beautiful morning. I wished I had dreams like this more often.

aLLy

Tongue Tied

Credits to Hellodingo @ DeviantArt

So many things I want to say to you. But I don’t know how, so I’ll write it down.

You,

came into my life like a tornado, you took my plans and messed it up, you took what I had and you said I was good. When did this happen I don’t know, it was one day I was minding my own business, looking forward to what the day has to offer, and it was like an instant attraction. I wouldn’t say I love you, because what is love? There’s too many meanings for that one word, like meat, different for everyone. To me, love is an emotion so extreme that I’m unable to comprehend. Love to me is a burning passion, and if I loved you, I’d want to keep you all to myself, I think it’s too soon for love, because if I loved you now, I’ll be so selfish, I’d hurt both of us. What I have with you is a desire. Yes a desire, I want to know more about you.

How are you feeling now? What are your favorite movies? What was you favorite childhood memories? Do you hate bananas as much as I do? What did you do before this? There’s so much I want to ask, so much I want to know. But here I am, not knowing. Because whenever I see you, my heart skips 4 beats, my tongue gets tied, my palms sweat and I don’t know why, but whatever I say at this moment- is a bunch of jumbled up words. Sometimes, I can’t speak fast enough and there’s this ball of awkwardness in between us. I feel like it gets bigger, pushing us farther away.

If you happen to read this, I hope you realise that it’s not because I’m cold and aloof. But if that attracts you, then maybe I am? Nah, I’m kidding. I think I might like you, but I think I’m not sure yet. Because it’s very confusing, this feeling. I feel like I’m a teenager again; trapped in an adult body. I do better at presentations than I do at this.

Dear coffee girl,

I’m the one who always comes up to you and ask you about the weather. About the news. About the coffee. I’m the one who you told about your crappy day the other day.
Maybe next time, you could drop by and say hi

yours sincerly,

the one who always orders the same strong black with a doughnut and extra jam.

p/s: I love how you always smile when you serve me my order.

Authors note:

pretty self explanatory

We All Come To This Place

The place called undecided. Dilemma is it’s best friend.
I sit in this place, under the big willow tree,
Questions fill the space between my ears,
Rationing, lists, pros and cons,
I throw a coin,
I seek my destiny,
Someone reads my fortune,
ANYTHING to help me get out of this place, called undecided.

However, these solutions give me a temporary solution,
Solutions that help me move a little,
To get me started again, but it never lasts,
It gives me a glimmer,
A light not bright enough to go far,
Soon, I find myself again,
in The place called undecided and Dilemma is it’s best friend.
And then, I’m at that place again.

aLLy

I Don’t Know What To Do Next, But Don’t Wait.

“Hey, I’ve got something to tell you. Meet me tonight?”

Oh no! she thought. Heck, not ANOTHER one. She walks up and down her room, thinking of what to reply. She roughly knows what is going to happen if she replied yes. It was too obvious, she has gone through this many times with different guys. As events from the past month played through her mind- movies, meals, constant messages, laughes, drives, calls, updates…. groans, why didn’t I see this coming earlier. She knew it was too good to be true, this friendship thing. She should have listened when they told her that a guy and a girl can never be bestfriends, or at least not her. She don’t know what it is, she likes being around him, he’s fun, witty, smart and he’s really sweet- but she doesn’t see him as more than a really close friend whom she can call up in the middle of the night and rant, whom she’ll complain to when she’s angry at her parents, who if she ever got a boyfriend, would be one of the few people she’ll call and share the happy news with, she’s not ready to go past that line.

and so she replies,

“Hey going out tonight. Can’t meet up. Maybe some other time?”

Oh my god, I’m now lying to a friend. How much more evil can I get? But heck, I’m not ready to deal with this. Not right now, maybe just maybe, he’ll go away and forget about this. Ha! As if he would, we’ve come too far, too deep for him to just go away with a message.

Sure enough the next day it came again, and again, and again. And one day, “hey, I know you’re avoiding me? Is it something I did? Meet me tonight? I really have to get it off my chest.”

Let’s do this, my brain tells me. Let’s see what he has to say, let’s get this over with. And here we are, sitting across each other. Looking nervous. What on earth is this, I tell myself. What happened to the people we were a month ago, the I can burp across the table, I can laugh at all my silliness, I can be all klutzy and I certainly do not have to wonder whether the top I’m wearing now is too damn ugly or not- yes I’m thinking about this at the very second. This is awkward.

Sure enough, just as I’ve expected those words I’ve heard so many times before pours out like an unclosed tap. I shrug, I look down, at the wall, anywhere but not at him. I can’t do this. But it’s not going to solve anything if I get up and leave. It’ll just drag it longer. Darn it, I should be a pro at it by now, this is not like the first time it’s happened right? So we sit there a little longer. He asks so what are we now? I shrug again. But I tell him, it’s not possible. As we’re leaving, I’ll wait he says. And we walk towards the opposite directions.

It’s a long day. I don’t know why but tears well up in my eyes, tears I shouldn’t even be having. I wonder to myself- I know what I did just now is the right thing but then again, I know, we’ll never be the same again. What we had could never be what it was. And so, I cry, one more time for the friendship I thought I had. Jane, I tell myself, there shouldn’t be a next time. This was the beginning of being distant- because for her, a guy and a girl can never be best friends.

And to this special boy in my life,

I don’t know what to do next, but don’t wait. Get the next girl that pulls at your heart strings. Because you deserve it. Because she could be the girl that gives you everything I couldn’t.

Jane.

written by,

allyk.

Author’s note:

Songs have been inspiring me to make stories. Was listening to The Fray’s cover of heartless and it inspired me so I wrote this piece.

Run

Before you proceed,

click play.

“We can do this, baby. I know we can. You have to be strong okay.”

Your voice calms me, assures me. I’m still angry, you would enlist without asking me, to fight a war that we didn’t cause. I’m terrified, but I know what I must do, I must be strong for you. I’m no longer your wife, I’m a soldiers wife now. Forced to be one, but one non the less. We were only married for 3 months. But I trust you baby, I trust you.  The tears don’t stop. We kissed for the last time, and I saw you board the bus. I waved at you, keep safe I whispered, I know you heard it.

There’s a plane or a bus leaving from Dallas
I hope you’re on it
If there’s a train moving fast down the tracks
I hope you caught it

I got into the truck you bought for me because you were afraid someone would bully me off the road. I hate it now, because it smells of you. The tears runs down my face as I drive down the street, everything looking just as it was but so much has changed. Like how I’m no longer rushing home to prepare us dinner, or stopping by the supermarket to get our milk for our coffees tomorrow morning- there is no us tomorrow morning, there’s just, me.

‘Cause I swear out there beware
You walk free
So catch a ride or catch a cab
Don’t you know that I miss you bad
But don’t you walk to me

I get the keys out, 3 months since you’ve left and the house still looks the same. Baby, I wrote, I’m pregnant. We’re going to be parents. I wished you were here, to take me to the doctors, to hear our baby’s heartbeat. Baby, I wish I could hold your hand, because I’m scared. I know this will sound selfish, but run home baby, run home. I put it into a box, with all the other selfish letters.

Baby run
Cut a path across the blue sky
Straight in a straight line
You can’t get here fast enough
Find your truck and fire it up
Lean on the gas and off the clutch
Leave Dallas in the dust
I need you in a rush
So baby run
So baby run

The electricity went off- as I fumble for the candles. I don’t remember where they are cause the last time this happened you lit the candles, you sang our song, and I fell in love with you all over again, as we made love until the lights came on. Today, there’s only me. With the candles finally lit, I wrote, Baby, I need you. Without you I can’t live, you’ve become apart of me, now that you’re gone, I feel like I’ve lost a limb. Baby, I know this will sound selfish, but run home baby, run home. I need you. I put it into a box, with all the other selfish letters.

Oh if you aint got a suitcase
Get a box
Or an old brown paper sack
Pack it light or pack it heavy
Take a truck, take a Chevy
Baby just come back
There’s a short cut to the highway out of town
Why don’t ya take it
Don’t let that speed limit slow ya down
Go on and break it
Baby break it

I sat on the couch, my hand over my huge belly. I feel the first kick, I wish you were here with me- to experience this with me. I feel the pain and I think the baby feels it too, cause the baby kicked again. Shhh, I know baby, daddy will come back to us soon. He’ll run home to us- it’s a little bit selfish of us, but he’ll come back for us. I trust him, you can trust him too. Baby you heard me, don’t make me lie to my child. Come back to me, run home baby, run. Break it, just come home, I know it’s selfish, but come home.

And run
Cut a path across the blue sky
Straight in a straight line
You can’t get here fast enough
Find your truck and fire it up
Lean on the gas and off the clutch
Leave Dallas in the dust
I need you in a rush
So baby run

It’s 2 years now, you should see your daughter. She has your eyes. Baby, she reminds me of you- filled with spirit. She’s a fighter, they said she wouldn’t make it, being born prematurely. But here she is, are you coming back soon baby? Are you running home? You missed the first time she rolled over, the first time she smiled, the first time she ate solids and spitted it out, the first fever she had, baby, you’re missing her first words and steps. I don’t know how long more before she asks for you. I need you baby, I know this will sound selfish, but run home baby, run home. Take a short cut, just get home before she turns 3. She needs her father, and I need my husband.

I’m scared baby. It’s so cold. It’s dark. I’m tired. “Mum, Mum, wake up. Can you hear me?” She holds my hands, they’re warm. I close my eyes, I imagine yours. I’m sleepy, let me rest now, I whispered. Baby, she’s married now, our girl, she’s having her angel soon. Baby, you should be very proud of our daughter. She’s like you- she has your spirit, she’s a fighter. It’s been a wild ride baby, but I know you’re waiting for me. You have been for the past 50 years. The letters in that box, baby, I know you would have ran home if you could. But when they told me you were gone, you took the bullet for him. Why baby? Why? I wasn’t surprised though, that was you. You would sacrifice yourself for the people you loved. You’ve fought well baby, you’ve fought well. Now, wait for me baby, I’m coming home. I’m running home, wait for me, I’m running back into your arms. Wait…. *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppp*

Run to me
Baby run
Run to me
So baby run
Run
Oh baby run

- Run, George Strait

I’m home baby. I’m home.

“I know you are. I love you. You’ve fought well, I saw it all. I’m proud baby, I’m proud. Now let’s rest. We have eternity forever.”

I believe you. Just like always.

allyk.

Author’s note:

Just something I whipped out at 5.30 am. Was listening to that song, and the idea came into my mind. I thought of someone having to go through life alone, but wishing that their partner was there, and they’re getting desperate and running is all they can ask. But at the same time, I feel like it’s a selfish thing to do, so I made it a war scene- what is more selfish then asking a soldier to come back so that they can be with you? And it soon progressed… and the twist is that he’s gone and now it’s her time to run back. To run back into his arms

Here.

Road before you,
Long and winded,
With an air of mystery,
Awaits the curious traveler.

- allyk June 09

Dear me, 5 years older

(long wordy post ahead)

After the brilliant Idea Sumi came up with- us writing our goals we have for ourselves in 5 years time and putting it in a time capsule (which she now holds)- I had another idea decided to write me a letter, a letter to my future self, that I can remember this day for. The hope and dreams and the reasoning behind it all. And hopefully in 5 years time, I can testify that God has been working on these Goals for me and with me. And also to remind me to see it happening in 5 years. To believe it will happen in 5 years.

Dear me (5 years older),

I’m writing this in 2009, the year I turn 21. Still fresh, and like a baby bird still wet in the eyes, the world looks like a huge amazing playground. There’s so much I hope for you, so much I want for you- right now, in 5 years, I STILL WANT to see the world with those wet eyes. The world is my oyster, the hope overwhelming- the world is big and limitless, no boundaries, no borders- to live with passion, to live with purpose. In 5 years, I hope that even as you’ve seen the world, I pray that life’s lessons has done little to extinguish that fire. I pray that the passion will remain fierce even when the cynics start telling you how naiive it is, when the adults start telling you to “grow up” and especially when you’ve had to face the obstacles of life- to stumble and fall, to be hurt and down- that you’ll still be able to look at life and say “is this all you’ve got?!” to life vicariously through God’s word, and to believe that you ARE indeed made in greatness. From me to you, I hope that you’ll see the challenge as a challenge and not a wall. Because I believe that your life should not be wasted- it should not stop because a wall is in the way, and also because, in 5 years, I see greater things in our lives. It will be a waste if a wall stopped us from achieving such heights.

They say, if you see it, you believe it, and it will happen. I see it in 2009. I believe that in 2014 it will happen. And I know that in faith, when I stand in your shoes in 2014, when I’m praying, I will no longer be asking, but thanking. Because I know that there’s power in the mind. What you see, you can achieve.

Dear me,

In 2014, I see you happy. I see you smiling, no frown lines, your spirit is not tired, your hope is not thinned and your strength not weaken. In fact, I see you rising up, I see you one step closer to the vision God gave us years ago. I see you reaching out and grabbing the future. I see the stepping stones to come, I see the opportunities before you and I see God, I see God’s hand in our lives. I see God’s hand guiding us, just like He’s always been doing.

Hey you, did you know that while I’m writing this, I’m excited. Excited to see the future, I’m excited to be in your shoes, I’m excited in what’s to come. See, a few weeks ago, things didn’t have meaning because we kind of forgot our purpose and dream. Life consumed us, we didn’t do so well, and I felt disappointed. But a few weeks ago, that all changed, God renewed us, He reminded us of our passion, our goal, our purpose. He reassured us. See when the Pastors was praying for us the other day, we had a word, it was that “God is smiling at our future.” See, this means that as long as we walk faithfully, we’ll be alright. Afterall, Daddy God has big plans for us.

I also just want to remind you of the vision we had the other day, I see us making big decisions, we will impact the industry we go in, I see us doing things that we’ve been always dreaming of- that is to reach the top. I knew it wasn’t coincidence that we felt such passion towards such things. At first I thought it was all about the money, I thought it was about power, but that day, I understood- it wasn’t about any of those things, those things were just bonuses. Ultimately, it was to see God doing mighty things through us. Bringing us to the top, to have influence and to use the influence for His will. I believe that as long as we have that as priority, God will fulfill His promise. Like He always does.

Ally, in 2014, I hope that you’re still holding on to that vision, that no matter where you are, be it with daddy, helping him with his company, or somewhere else, you’re doing it, not as a chore. Not as a duty. But because you have a purpose to do so. Because you have passion to do so. Because ultimately, God wants you to do so. In the mean time, I hope that you remember that with each phase is also a test. See, the road to where God wants you to be is not going to smooth. It’s filled with bumps- tests and challenges as I call it, but don’t be dismayed. Think of it as a stepping stone to something greater- be it in authority, in influence, in strength, in maturity, in productivity. Hang in there, be brave, be strong- remember that what God says will come to pass. Don’t let it be a stone wall, but a stepping stone.

Hey me,

I’d also like to see you settling down by then. I believe that God has the man for you. I believe that if you ask, HE will sent the right one to you. Ideally, I see you engaged- a man after God’s heart, a man who can keep up with you, a man who can keep up with your father (lol!), a man who can satisfy you, a man who can support you and a man who will always shower you with love and gifts and most importantly someone you can trust your heart and body with. I believe that God has the man somewhere on this earth already, I just hope by then, you’re ready. See right now, I’m not just as ready yet. There’s still so much I want to do, so much I want to find out about ourself- I’m just not ready. But I hope that soon, you’ll be praying that prayer- asking God for the right one. Or maybe, God will just surprise us. Haha- how ironic if that happens, us who don’t like surprises- but then again, it just might be that way, afterall, God does things different from what we want most of the time.

Me,

I pray that in the midst of your career, of building a family, of searching a balance, I pray that you will never give up that passion in serving. Serving God- that you don’t get caught up in the dog eat dog world and loose hope in humankind. I pray that you don’t loose the love you have for people, especially the ones that can’t defend themselves, the little girls who are looking for a mentor, the little girls who need someone to help them with life, the little girls who need role models. Don’t ever forget the little sheep that needs someone to help them grow up into the leaders they are, the ones who have potential to one day change the world too. Hey you, don’t slack on ministry, don’t compromise on God’s church, on God’s people. Trust me, I know, that even when you feel pinched, when you feel like 24 hours is not enough, if you put God’s work first, the rest will follow suit. Look at my 2nd year sem 1 results! When I thought I won’t be able to cope with 5 subjects and being part of church, God pulls through for us. We made it through And with results that is better than what we expected. God does that. Always remember, God does that. So even when work is overwhelming, don’t compromise on God. Simply because God died for us and just that alone is reason enough to put aside everything else.

Me,

I hope that at 2014, you’re able to stand on your own two feet. You’ll be able to support yourself and your obsession with shoes That you’ll be able to make sound rational investment deals and earn income. But don’t forget the three people in your life that you owe plenty to. I’m talking about Mum, Dad and little sister. Remember to spend time with them too, to go back for dinners, to listen to Dad’s two cents and mum’s advices. To help and encourage the little sister. Because it is these people who have seen you with nothing, who has supported you to this point in life. Yes, they have said things that have hurt, they have done things that might have been less than perfect, but remember that they have given their best effort. And remember that love knows no boundaries. Just love ALLY-KAY, just love. Because when there is love, there is forgiveness, there is peace. And most importantly, life is short, use whatever time you have to make good. That goes for the friends in your life too. The different personalities that you got to know, to have shared memories with. Whose lives have made an impact on way or another. Remember to cherish them. Especially the ones who has stuck by and encouraged you when you have nothing. The ones that have lifecoached you, the ones who have walked life with you- the ones you’ll call family. Uphold them.

Dear me,

I can go on and on and on. But I believe the important things are written here I’d just like to say, don’t stop living, don’t stop engaging in life, don’t stop learning. Enjoy the journey, see the miracles, see the blessings and when you’re full and fed, always remember the one who has made it all possible. Remember that God has our life in His hands, remember that we are nothing without God, that everthing is purposeless without God. And always remember the visions and passions He has instilled in our heart. When we have that, everything we do, everything we go through won’t feel aimless, we’ll have a reason for doing things, we’ll see that each experience we go through now is to prepare us for what’s to come. I believe that in everything, God will still be on our side. I believe that there’s nothing we can or cannot do to make God love us more. Continue growing, continue maturing. And in 2014, we’ll be writing another letter to our future self again.

take care.

You

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

I’d thought I make a twist to the WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR PAST and make it a future one. One filled with goals, dreams and ambitions. One filled with positive thinking, one filled with blessings- proclaiming my future. And I honestly hope that in years to come, blessings pour abundant over every aspect of my life. Cause I believe God didn’t bring me to this world to fail, He brought me into this world for something great. I honestly believe that.

L.O.V.E.

That four letter word is just as taboo as the other four letter words out there, to me it may be even scarier. I guess, it’s also because to me LOVE signifies commitment, treshold and so many other things my mind cannot comprehend right now. LOVE is just too big, too massive, too wide to be even taken lightly. To me LOVE means something sacrifice, compromise, it means pleasure and pain, it also means responsibility. I guess because LOVE doesn’t just mean my heart skips a beat, or we have chemistry, or I understand, it’s not that simple and because in my perception LOVE is just so big, it’s intimidating. Scary.

Sometimes I wonder how people who have gotten together for 3 weeks can say “I LOVE YOU” so easily. But then again, to them LOVE might mean something else to some other people. To me however, LOVE in all retrospecs should mean, I LOVE YOU and we will dive through rivers, climb mountains, give up my life to be with you, and survive hardships together while enjoying every happy moment that comes our way and giving thanks for this union we have between us. To me that is what real love is. Only when that happens, will I be truly able to say that four letter word and mean it.

Till then, I will not make light of the issue. Till then, I will not make LOVE which has full meaning, which made Jesus want to come and die for my sins, shallow. I will not.

aLLy

LOVE IS SACRIFICE. LOVE IS UNDYING. LOVE IS ABLE. LOVE IS JUST. LOVE HURTS; LOVE is EVERLASTING. LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE